Getting over your ex is a difficult job. You may have loved him with all your heart. But something went wrong and the ‘they lived-together-happily-ever after’ ending is now history. But alas, you find it difficult to put your past behind and get on with life. Well, that’s how life is. Here are some ways to help you to get over your ex and move on with life… First things first. Delete his number and SMSes from your mobile. It may hurt at first and you will miss all those sweet nothings you shared with him. Remember, he isn’t going to be with you anymore, so there’s no point hanging on to his messages.

His greeting cards, gifts, letters and cute teddy bears might have been a prized possession then. But now, they are nothing but a reminder of him. So, get rid of them. And yes, that includes the chocolate wrappers that are left from your last let’s celebrate-our-we-first went-out anniversary.

What’s the use of watching films if you can’t get inspired by them? Shred your ex’s photo to bits and flush it. Or write his name on a blank paper and strike it out repeatedly. This will definitely help you get over your ex, angst and pain. Or if the two of you have had a mutual break-up, then it’s only fair that you return all his belongings to him.

You might know many of his friends and though they might want to have a cordial relationship with you, it’s advisable not to. If some of your friends still maintain contact with him, then tell them not to discuss him when they are with you. That is the best possible way to get over your ex.

Whoever said that true love comes only once? Just sit back, relax, and take life as it comes. True love is sure to find its way back into your life.

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IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT, A WITCH/MONSTER WILL COME AND GET YOU

“Terrifying kids might work well in the short term,” says Joe, “but there’s a danger that this will traumatize them and lead to nightmares.” Plus it’s only a short-term fix. “Eventually the child finds out you’ve lied and that will erode their faith in you. It’s essential the authority comes from you, not from some outside force.” Instead, if children do not do as they are asked, Joe advises parents to rely on body language and tone of voice. “Get down on their level, look directly at them and tell them calmly what it is you want them to do. Good eye contact goes a long way.”

WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER?

Comparisons with brothers or sisters won’t just make kids feel inadequate, they can also drive siblings apart, sparking rivalry and rows. Child expert Professor Joe Elliott of Durham University says: “Instead of trying to be as good as his sibling, this could make a child think he can never compete. To protect his sense of self-worth, he won’t even try. That way it looks like he’s not as good only because he didn’t bother trying.” So, accept every kid is born different. Build up struggling siblings by focusing on each child’s individual talents and strengths.

WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME

Passing the buck to your partner undermines your authority – and makes kids ask themselves why they should listen to you. Joe says: “It can also cause tension. The other parent comes home tired after work and doesn’t want to play the bad cop, or else doesn’t handle it the way you’d like.” In any case, if you leave it to the end of the day, younger children will have forgotten what they did wrong in the first place. Instead of handing over responsibility and making threats, deal with bad behaviour then and there.

IF YOU DON’T HURRY UP, I’M GOING TO LEAVE YOU HERE

Perhaps the biggest fear young children have is that they will get lost or abandoned. But while you know you would never leave them behind, they don’t and it’s wrong to exploit that anxiety. Joe says: “It may work the first time but ultimately it’s an empty threat and ends up losing its power.” Instead look at why your child isn’t ready and remember that kids are easily distracted and don’t have the same concept of urgency as grown-ups. Ask yourself if you need to give them more warning. Look for calm ways to speed things along — like turning off the TV or letting them take along a favourite toy.

YOU’RE SUCH A NAUGHTY CHILD

You may think you’re helping to manage your child’s behaviour by saying what they’re doing wrong. In fact, by labelling your child, they start to believe naughtiness is part of who they are and try to live up to the label, says Joe. Separate the child from their actions. Rather than saying, ‘You are naughty’, say, ‘I don’t like the way that you are behaving’. Give kids good labels to live up to. Joe advises: “Tell the child he is usually so good you would like that to be the way he always behaves.”

THIS IS SO EASY, WHY ARE YOU GETTING IT WRONG?

One of the very worst things you can do if kids are having difficulties with their homework or reading is to get tense. Asking exasperated questions will make them nervous and you will get trapped in a vicious circle. “Tell them you think they could do a little better if they concentrated a little more,” advises Joe. If the child makes a mistake, say ‘Nearly,’ and let them have another go. Don’t get frustrated because kids learn at different rates. Instead keep it fun by giving your child a tickle for extra effort, or pointing out something funny in their book.

I WISH YOU’D NEVER BEEN BORN

Regardless of what the child has done or how pushed to the limit you are, this is the worst possible thing you can say to a child. “This is all about getting a release for the frustrated parent and few mums and dads really mean it,” says Joe. But if kids believe it’s true, they will never forget it and they may internalise it, so it damages their self-worth.
If you ever feel close to saying something like this, go to another room until you have calmed down.

WHY DO YOU NEVER DO A THING I TELL YOU?

This may seem like a mild remark but, if you keep repeating it, the underlying message to children is that they are a menace. They get the impression that they can never do anything right so why bother trying.
“Questions like these never get an answer from kids so there’s no point in asking them,” says Joe. Instead of getting exasperated, be specific about exactly what you want them to do and explain: ‘I would prefer you to do it this way’. “Use your body language and voice to give the message that you expect them to do as you say,” says Joe.

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You will not be bunnies:
Sex is crucial to marriages, but sex is not marriage. Being married does not mean that you will
be having sex seven days a week. When juggling a zillion commitments simultaneously, there are bound to be dry spells.
There will be times when sleep will take over sex. However, remember that its just a phase and not a serious relationship crisis. you need not have sex every night to keep the romance alive in marriage. Sometimes, a simple hug or a caring touch is better than exchanging fluids.

You will get up in the morning and wonder, ‘Is this it? Forever?’:
The cloying feeling will end at the dawn following your wedding day. It is in the morning when you see things in perspective, minus the gloss. Don’t panic. Reality is nicer than fiction. Reality is better than dreaming. It’s time to get real about what marriage means. So set aside those rose-tinted glasses, and focus on core issues. Marriage is about real things: keeping the house clean, managing your in-laws, multi-tasking without freaking out. When they say you have to make relationships ‘work’, well honey, work starts from the morning itself. So get down to it.

A great marriage doesn’t mean zero conflict:
You may always that a fight is something negative, something that needs to be strayed away from as it may put your relationship in a fix. however, not fighting at all is a far bigger problem. Whenever you fight, you tend to bring out unspoken issues that you yourself weren’t aware of. When you dont, it symbolises a couple that is numb and has no communication whatsoever. It also shows maturity on your part to be able to resolve issues amicably.

‘I’ wont be as important as ‘US’:
He may want to go for a quite dinner while you may be dying to drool over the latest Bond flick. You may want to color your room lilac, while he is happy with mum’s selection- good old beige. With time, yo will learn to zero in on things that you both agree on and it will become a lot easier. The relationship will teach you that sometimes, seeing the other person’s point of view is more important than getting your way.

You’ll realize that you cant change people:
Everyone has their share odd fantasies as to what they expect their partner to be like. But in the process, most of us end up being guilty of arm-twisting him/her into our version of him/her. Remember Hitchcock’s Vertigo? Its not for nothing they say that ‘old habits die hard’. Let your partner be, adapting to his/her habits is far easier than expecting your loved one to change to suit your tastes. The skull, followed by the temperment: the two hardest parts of the body. So live and let live.

Marriage will show you your true self:
When you are in the dating stage, you tend to be on your best behaviour. All your insecurities and issues remain bottled inside for the fear that your partner might come to know about them and that he/she will judge you on that basis only. However, after marriage, as you share your life together, it is impossible to keep these feelings hidden. The other person turns out to be the mirror to your true. Since in life, we often live in denial. Hence it is recommended not to keep any skeletons in the closet before getting married since you wont be able to hide them for long. Each and every behaviour and personality trait will be out in the open in front of your partner. And perhaps that’s the beauty of the relationship!!

• Grieve naturally. Cry, both in public and in private. The faster and more fully you can express your pain, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life.

• Expect to pass through several stages as your grieving progresses: shock, disbelief, denial, painful sadness, emptiness, anxiety, irritability, guilt, anger and preoccupation with memories of the deceased.

• Express any anger you experience because the person has left you. If you feel, “Why did you do this to me?” don’t be ashamed to shout it out.

• You must recognize that the person who left you would be upset at the thought that you intend to stop living. Think about the millions who have survived bereavement. Know that you will, too.

• Remember that you will always have your memories to keep this person alive in your heart. In this way, his or her powerful influence on you will never end.

• Talk to others who have faced loss, and ask them to share their experiences. Join or start a support group.

• If  your faith includes a belief in life after death, keep in mind that heaven is a far better place for your loved one. Look forward for a reunion there.

• Be patient with yourself. Some people need time to recover. on the other hand, if you bounce back quickly, don’t mistake this as a sign of not caring.

• If you feel you may need counselling, get it immediately.

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Paying your EMIs, feeding the family and paying for the odd treat is getting tough as bills soar. You’d think that coping with the credit crunch would have us all sick with worry… But, in fact, we’re doing really well — fitter, stronger, healthier and living longer. “Life expectancy is so good that eliminating all accidents and infectious diseases would only raise it by a further two years,” says Prof Steve Jones, of University College London. Most of us are warm, well-fed and healthy. Are you still feeling miserable? Try these to be happy…

1. BOOST YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Identify what you’re good at and do it. Self-esteem is linked to happiness and surveys show the feeling of success is a common source of joy.

2. AVOID INFO OVERLOAD
A study found that people who multi-task are likelier to have high blood pressure. So instead of talking on the phone while picking up the kids’ toys, sit down and focus on the conversation.

3. WASH YOUR HAIR
A century ago, women washed their hair once a month using borax or egg yolks. Enjoy modern haircare products and wash your tresses every day. Clean hair makes you feel good.

4. MAKE TIME FOR FRIENDS
People with a circle of supportive friends are likelier to have healthier blood pressure, cholesterol levels and stress hormone levels than those with two or fewer close friends.

5. TAKE PART
Feel what you think doesn’t matter? It does. Have your say by voting.

6. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
Focus on what you’ve got, not what you’re missing. A study found that people who took the time to count their blessings once a week boosted their mood and improved their health and energy levels. And it relieved pain and fatigue, too.

7.GET RID OF THAT NIGGLING TASK
Visit the doctor, answer a difficult email or buy something you need. Crossing an irritating item off your to-do list will give you a rush of energy.

8. PAMPER A POOCH
Walking and stroking pets can relieve stress, lower blood pressure and heart rates. One study showed pets are better than spouses at relieving stress.

9. ENJOY YOUR JOB
In 1908, a typical working day was 14 hours with few breaks. There was no employment regulation and no minimum wage. Still hate your job?

10. GET ENOUGH SLEEP
Few of us get enough sleep and that makes us grumpy. Getting into bed by 8 pm one night with a book — and turning the light out an hour later — can do more for your mood than any amount of therapy.

11. SING IN THE SHOWER
Music activates parts of the brain that produce happiness, the same parts activated by sex and food. So in the morning tune the radio to your favourite station and sing along.

12. VISIT A QUIET PLACE
Museums, parks, libraries and places of worship provide islands of peace in a frantic world. Find a quiet place near your home and make it your secret hideaway.

13. STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR AGE
Celebrate all your birthdays. Remember when you were 10 how 21 seemed ancient? Enjoy your age, because you won’t be this young again.

14. IGNORE THE STOCK MARKET
Chinese researchers have found a direct link between the daily performance of the stock market and the mental health of those who follow it. If you don’t have money invested, ignore it. If you do, remember time heals financial wounds. Give your investments time — and give yourself a break.

15. HAVE A GOOD CRY
Bottling up emotions can lead to a build-up of suppressed anxiety and anger. Let your emotion come out when you’re upset and have a good cry.

16. LIGHT AN OIL BURNER
Getting a good nose-full of lavender aids deep relaxation. Find a scent that soothes you and burn it when you’re relaxing or put a few drops of essential oil into your bath.

17. SAY “I LOVE YOU”
Tell those close to you that you love them. A little praise never hurts.

18. GIVE YOURSELF SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO
It may be just a walk in the park or reading a book. Build these treats into your daily life.

19. VOLUNTEER TO HELP OUT
Helping others less fortunate that yourself puts your own problems into perspective.

20. CHANGE YOUR THINKING
People who survive a terminal illness, accident or witness a tragedy have a different perspective on life. Many say that they no longer leave anything until later. They travel now, learn a new skill now, contact an old friend the same day the thought pops into their head. Follow their lead – try living for today and not tomorrow.

21. WATCH IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE
This classic 1946 film stars James Stewart as George Bailey who, facing financial troubles, is about to commit suicide when he meets his guardian angel Clarence. It guarantees a smile.

I hope these steps will help you to deal with difficulties in a much better way and thus making you healthier. Please leave your comments and feedback to share more tips on being happy.

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